Michael Jackson: The King of Pain?

Michael Jackson – dead at the age of 50. So many unanswered questions about a man who was the epitome of cool at one moment and the object of scorn the next. In the days following his death there were more than a million CDs and downloads of his music sold. If his back catalogue had been eligible for the Billboard top 100 he would have had three titles in the top 5.

Some responded to the news of his death in much the same way a past generation did to the news Elvis Presley died. Others could barely hold their contempt. One user asked wiki.answers what they would call a phobia of Michael Jackson. Another user negatively responded, “Thrillerphobia”. Blog comments have been filled with negative response.

An Ex-Wife Speaks Up

One who may understand the parallels more than most would be Jackson’s former wife Lisa Marie Presley who told Billboard magazine in late June 2009 that Michael, “Was a tortured soul who once predicted that he would “end up” like her father, the late rock icon Elvis Presley.” She also indicated they split because she, “Could not save him from self-destructive behavior.”

It is the self-destructive tendency that many friends and family refer to and the potential reasons behind it that caused this article to be written.

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A Look Back

It seems clear that Jackson had a very strong urge to create an environment of childhood in his grown up years. His preoccupation with children and play may have pushed anxiety and fear to the forefront of his life.

When Home Alone star MacCaulay Culkin was young he spent time with Jackson at the Neverland Ranch. It was during this time that Jackson was accused of molestation. Culkin talked about his time with Jackson in a 2004 episode of Larry King, “The thing is with Michael he’s not good as explaining himself and he never really has been, because he’s not a very social person. You’re talking about someone who has been sheltered and sheltering himself also for the last like 30 years.”

In 2005 Fox News reported that, “Close friends now really fear that he [Jackson] will commit suicide.” This was at a time when he faced molestation charges and was seeing the demise of Neverland Ranch due to financial issues. It was also at this time that issues of prescription drug abuse surfaced strongly.

Following the death of Jackson, family attorney Brian Oxman told the press, “He [Michael] feared somebody wanted to kill him. He was even concerned people would kill him to somehow try to take control of the Beatles back catalogue.”

What Jackson Feared Most

Published reports about Jackson’s fears are many. Consider these phobias attributed to the King of Pop.

• He feared aging
• He feared leaving his house. He missed his nephew’s wedding in 2007 because of this Phobia
• He feared becoming fat
• He feared rejection based upon his natural looks
• He feared that when royalty payments began to slow down following his court cases.

The Alleged Prescription Connection

Reports surfaced on CNN among other sites following his funeral that Jackson used Xanax and may have been heavily addicted to them along with other prescription drugs. According to our own information at FearOfStuff.com, “Xanax can be potentially habit forming and should be kept away from children as well as those who have a history of drug dependency.”

Some of the side effects include…

• Anger
• Behaviors not considered typical of the patient
• Concentration deficits
• Depression
• Fainting
• Hallucinations
• Insomnia
• Lack of visual focus
• Loss of inhibition
• Muscle weakness
• Seizures
• Speech impairments
• Thoughts of suicide
• Trembling

Some reports indicated a use of 10 Xanax pills per day with a 30-40 pill range at the height of the alleged addiction.

Xanax is prescribed for individuals who suffer from anxiety and a variety of fears. Jackson’s own words indicate there were many issues in his life that led to fear and anxiety.

In His Own Words

“I’m just like anyone. I cut and I bleed. And I embarrass easily.”

“Yeah, Wacko Jacko, where did that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me. It’s not nice.”

“I’m never pleased with anything, I’m a perfectionist, it’s part of who I am.”

“I wanted to have a place that I could create everything that I that I never had as a child.”

“I just wish I could understand my father.”

“I remember one time we were getting ready to go to South America and everything was packed up and in the car ready to go and I hid and I was crying because I really did not want to go, I wanted to play. I did not want to go.”

“There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I used to always cry from loneliness.”

“Yes, and I had pimples so badly it used to make me so shy. I used not to look at myself. I’d hide my face in the dark, I wouldn’t want to look in the mirror and my father teased me and I just hated it and I cried everyday.”

Don’t Walk Alone

Perhaps the real tragedy in the loss of Michael Jackson is that very few really got to know Michael. From all appearances he tried to deal with the pain he felt on his own without seeking the help he needed. In some ways Jackson may not have been remarkably different from most of us who live with our own fear demons looking for relief from the pain we may feel.

Psychologists will confirm that whenever a fear is not dealt with it grows to encompass more fears. Finding the courage to deal with your personal fears may be the one thing that can turn the Michael Jackson story into one that has a bright spot for your future. Perhaps that will be his greatest legacy.